just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
