Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
