GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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