My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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