so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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