im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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