My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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