His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
