You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
