You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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