I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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