and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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