drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
