we're chasing vodka with high fives
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
