the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
