Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
