No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
