It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i believe in u and ur pee
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
