He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
