he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
