Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
