i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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