do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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