my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
