I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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