Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
