he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
