Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
