My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
