my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
