Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
