Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
