I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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