I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
