I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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