Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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