he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize