On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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