I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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