How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
