which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
