Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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