mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
