he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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