Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
