I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
