he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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