I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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