What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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