Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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