They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
