Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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