tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
