A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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