You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
