listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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