My brain says no but my pants say off.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
