Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
