i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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