Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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