is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
