Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
