I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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