What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
