i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
