literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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