I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
