So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
