grandma shit on top of the toilet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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