I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
