it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
