she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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