It's Friday. Sex?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
