1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
