Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
