As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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