Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
