His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
