Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
