Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
