Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
