the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
