Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
