Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
