i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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