Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
