I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
