who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
