I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
