I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
