Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize