i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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