Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
