We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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