she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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