we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This baby is an asshole
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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