He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
