she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That reminds me...we need to get swords
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
