hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize