she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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